Snooker Doodle is too simple to be truly shady ever, and that is why we love her. Vinny is the instigator when he tells Jenni that Angelina was talking shit about her, but JWOWW, true to form, takes the bait, and uses it as an opportunity to go off on Sammi, and then, POW, hit her and throw her to the ground. “Why am I doing this by myself in anger?” We don’t know why you’re so angry all the time, Jenni! You should see someone about that. To JWOWW’s credit, she does step up and make Sunday dinner for everyone, but not happily. Then JWOWW starts in with Sammi, screaming in her face and then dropping this bomb … “You’re a naive bitch, while your man’s putting his dick in other bitches!” Yikes, that’s not very nice. They were ready to confess! And the fact that they didn’t (again) is so obviously Sammi’s fault for not following their orders. “She’s lucky I don’t go in there and backhand her while she’s stilling on the fucking couch,” she says of Sammi’s reluctance to get up, go outside, and talk to her and Snooks. Why is she obsessed with Sammi’s “low self-esteem”? Clearly she has her own self-esteem issues to work out (her inexplicable rage is a good clue that she’s not a very happy person, right?). Jenni’s not that shady, she’s just kind of scary. Our advice to Sammi is to get the F out of JWOWW’s way - Jenni can throw down, and “prissy” Sammi is no match for the ferocity of JWOWW, as is evidenced by the fact that she ended up on the floor. It’s not the letter, it’s your cheating boyfriend who’s to blame. “This letter has really destroyed me…mentally and physically,” she says dramatically. As usual, she spends the hour moping and crying and refusing to help with dinner, so, yes, she’s irritating, but she’s certainly not shady. And yet her paranoia and jumpy vibe this week are actually justified, given that everyone in the house has been lying to her face. Saaaammmmmi, you are still so annnoyyyyying. Whatever, it’s fine, and nothing that a cloud of Axe Body Spray won’t cover up in the morning. “Right now, Pauly would hook up with me, he’s so drunk,” says Vinny. Ha! And even when Pauly gets wasted, and his hair is all messed up (“that’s how you know he’s fucked up,” according to Ronnie), and he’s making out with nasty Angelina, he’s still endearing and hilarious. “You know what I think it is? Your eyebrows are so bushy, they collect so much more bacteria than normal eyebrows would,” says Pauly, who then mentions to the doctor that Vinny has a history of pink eye. First, though, he accompanies Vinny to the eye doctor, where he continually ribs him about his “condition” (which turns out to be nothing more than dry eyes. It’s so sad that the funniest guy has been getting the least airtime, right? This week, Pauly’s not really shady, he’s just really drunk. Could it be, gasp!, that Ronnie’s learned his lesson? Nah. He nicely helped Pauly D to bed when Pauly was too drunk to do it himself, and Ronnie stayed out of the fight between JWOWW and Sammi. Surprisingly, Ronnie fared pretty well this episode, never once (that we saw) hooking up behind Sammi’s back. Ronnie - Least shady, if you can believe it! And so we ask: Who’s the shadiest of them all? So we’re switching up our format yet again! “Everybody here is shady,” observes Sammi. It’s giving us a pain in our eye, and we don’t think it’s just a speck of sand. But please, please, please no more of Ronnie and Sammi. Heck, we’re even okay with watching Angelina and Jose, who looks like a very tall eight-month-old baby. But seriously, producers, can’t you create a different, less annoying storyline for all of us to enjoy? We’ll happily take more of Vinny and Mike’s sister we’ll be thrilled to see additional footage of drunk Pauly. And here’s another thing: The longer this glorious show focuses on Ronnie and Sammi, the less likely it is that we’ll continue to tune in for the seasons to come (okay, fine, you called our bluff - we’ll still tune in…but we won’t like it!). Run away! For whomever lands in the path of Jenni’s wrath will no sooner survive than someone lying down on the tracks in the face of a Hamptons-bound LIRR train, filled with those not deterred by the warnings of flooding and power outages. What is wrong with her? What could have possibly happened in her childhood to provoke such violent hostility? When something angers her, or even just rubs her the wrong way, there’s a strange shift in her eyes, a subtle flashing, a slight tic of her massive bosoms, and then you know… it’s on. As Earl barrels down on the East-Coast, we also have, in Jersey Shore land, a force to rival a hurricane: the insanity of JWOWW.
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